SPOILER WARNING: This post contains a list of people in the first episode of Game of Thrones who end up killed, maimed, or emotionally scarred. In case you’re reading this and you somehow haven’t watched the show yet, you’ve been warned.

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As most of the world knows, the seventh season of Game of Thrones premieres on HBO tonight. Because I am about to pee myself with anticipation, I decided to watch the first episode of the series yesterday. I’ve seen it umpteen times, but it’s been a few years, so I thought it would be fun to go back and reminisce.

During the scene where the Baratheons and Lannisters arrive at Winterfell, it struck me, particularly during one shot of Catelyn Stark, Maester Luwin, and Rodrick Cassel (Ser Ponytail Neckbeard, for those who don’t remember the name of the Winterfell master-at-arms), I thought, “Man, everyone in that shot has been killed off the show. Wouldn’t it make a crazy drinking game to watch this show and take a drink every time you see someone who you know is killed off later?”

And indeed it would. I wouldn’t suggest actually trying this, and if you did do it, don’t do it with shots; I think sips of beer would suffice. Here’s how it would work:

  • In every shot where you see a named/recurring character who has since been killed off from the show, take one sip for each dead person.
  • In every shot where you see someone who ends up being maimed or physically and majorly scarred, touch your nose and the last person to do it takes another sip (for each maimed person in the shot). Or whatever additional rule you want to make.
  • BONUS RULE: Each person creates their own house words (like how the Starks say “Winter is coming,” but make up your own). Every time there’s a shot of someone who has been emotionally scarred or traumatized on the show, everyone must say their words and bang on the table (or whatever, so long as there’s some sort of motion and noise). The last person to do so takes a sip. (Or, again, some other extra rule you’d like to make.)
  • Each character on the show can only be in one category at a time and the default goes to the higher classification. Theon, for example, has certainly been traumatized, but he’s also been maimed, so he falls under the Maimed category.

I really don’t know if this game would be survivable, so it’s really not recommended. I mean, here’s a list (probably not a complete one) of everything in the first episode:

  • DEAD
    • Ned Stark
    • Catelyn Stark
    • Robb Stark
    • Rickon Stark
    • Robert Baratheon
    • Joffrey Baratheon
    • Khal Drogo
    • Viserys Targaryen
    • Hodor
    • Rodrick Cassel
    • Ros
    • Tyrion Lannister
    • Jaime Lannister
    • Bran Stark
    • Jorah Mormont
    • Theon Greyjoy
    • Sansa Stark
    • Arya Stark

Good luck! (But seriously, this is speculative and I wouldn’t suggest trying this at home, nor am I to be responsible for any damages, calamities, accidents, mishaps, disasters, misadventures, injuries, trauma, deaths, or any other such ills that result should you dismiss this warning.)