There really wasn’t much of anything that happened today. Really, nothing. Amanda and I had cereal for dinner tonight, so I can’t even talk about an exciting dinner. I fell asleep on the couch. Amanda was very sweet about that. Bruce was asleep with his head on my knee and when she went upstairs she asked if I was going to stay down there for a bit. I said yes and she put the TV on ESPN for me to drowse to. I don’t know exactly why but it struck me as very sweet and endearing.

Amanda’s mom Karen called and talked to Amanda for a bit. She asked if Amanda was pregnant because she’d had a dream that she was last night. The answer, to our knowledge at least, is no.

To take up some more space I’ll throw in this e-mail I got from my cousin, David Cherryholmes, yesterday. I first read it while I was directing the video at church (it was during a time I didn’t have to really do anything) and it was all I could do not to laugh out loud. For what it’s worth, when I’m directing I’m in a small room where nobody would have heard me, but some other people in the room were having a conversation. Anyway, here goes.

The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM – Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an Attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and Snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously Retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the Guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an Elevated Cell, so he is safe.

For now.

Zach Dotsey