I went to the grocery store this evening because Amanda was exhausted and didn’t feel like doing it. We were almost our of cereal, so she wanted some of that for the morning, and she was thinking about having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but since we were almost out of jelly (jam actually- it spreads much more easily) I was going to pick some of that up for her too.
Since it was a decent day out and I haven’t been very active this week I figured I’d walk, and I had a nice walk. I got to the store, got the stuff, then my phone rang while I was trying to check out. With people behind me in line, I didn’t want to whip out my phone for Amanda to have me go get something and have to cancel out the order or whatever. I was about to try to call her back as I was walking out (I don’t usually get good reception at Lowe’s Food anyway) and then she started calling again. I tried to answer, but the phone did some odd lockup thing where it just kept buzzing but wouldn’t let me answer it.
So, I had to turn my phone off and turn it back on again, which can take a minute with an iPhone. I didn’t want to wait around at the grocery store for that, and I figured once she found out that I had already been checking out, whatever she wanted wouldn’t be too big a deal anyway. Usually if she calls to say to pick something extra up at the grocery store, it doesn’t really matter. So I did finally get back in touch with her as I was turning into our neighborhood and she said she wanted sticks of butter to make some mac and cheese. I got annoyed, and I can’t really say why. I ended up going back, dropping my bag of already-purchased goods off at a register, got the butter (and a half-off Snickers bar for myself) and walked back home. On the way back I realized that my feeling of annoyance was stupid and so I was able to let go of it. It was a nice feeling.
I called my brother, Adam Dotsey, on the way to the store because I haven’t talked to him in a bit. Didn’t get him so I left a message.
Amanda and I spent the rest of the evning watching a couple episodes of Law & Order SVU. Michael stopped by for a minute to pick up some shirts he had ordered. He always uses our address for that.
Amanda, as I said, was tired, so she went to get ready for bed around 9:00. A few minutes after that I got a phone call from my dad. He said that Pap (my grandfather, his dad) had had a stroke on Tuesday. He found out yesterday and was in Lexington today. Pap’s health hasn’t been the best over the past couple years and it’s been getting progressively a bit worse. Altogether, my grandpa had a stroke plus a urinary tract infection and renal failure. (That’s a kidney problem. I’d heard of it but didn’t know what it was, so I looked it up.)
The doctors have no idea what’s going to happen with him. Dad said he looked better today than yesterday, but he’s hardly able to talk. He’s aware and knows who people are, which is good, but Dad said he’s not looking great. The doctors told my dad he could keep getting better with the antibiotics they’re giving him or he could have another stroke tomorrow and die.
I told my dad I didn’t know what to do. I was having a hard time putting the words together to express what I was thinking, and he saved me the trouble by simply saying, “I know.”
Here’s my dilemma. Pap’s health isn’t good and there’s no telling if I’ll be able to see and talk to him again. He could die and his funeral would be sometime pretty soon. My first child could be born at any time now. How do you choose between something like that? If it were just a few hours away it wouldn’ t be a big deal, but from Wilmington to Lexington is about ten hours. I know labor can last a while, but if I happened to be in Kentucky and got a call that the baby is coming (because there’s no way Amanda can travel that far right now) I’d be hard pressed to get back in time, not to mention that I don’t think I’d be able to help but speed the whole way back. I could buy an airplace ticket, but I just checked and that would cost about $400 right now.
Obviously I want Pap to get better anyway, and I feel bad expressing this, but him getting better would also make things so much better for me in that I wouldn’t have to choose between missing seeing him (or, God forbid, missing the funeral) and being there for Milly’s birth. On top of that I would think that none of my family would be here for it the timing coincided with a funeral, plus it’s an event that would always hang over her birthday.
So come on, Pap, hang in there! Do more than that- just get better! Besides, UK is going to have a killer team next season and, much as I dislike John Calipari, you should stick around to see how the Cats do.
All I can do is hope and pray. It’s not like anyone can even tell me what to do with this or give me any advice.